Impermanence. That is the deal; constant change is the nature of our existence.

As I returned to the Bhagavad Gita over my COVID Christmas, I got stuck as Krishna invites us to maintain our peace as we experience life and death on earth. That is predicated on our undying essence transcending these life-on-earth cycles. I relate to the compassion Arjuna felt for the human lives of his relatives on the battlefield, and to the conflict he faced as he was about to fight them.

The end-of-life cycle is so loaded, mysterious and tough. I think I may never transcend grief with equanimity. Experiencing the death of loved ones from an early age, and my five years of work in a non-profit nursing home have shown me that the waves of grief persist.

My dad has a slower progressing version of ALS and he is now working with the decline of speech and breathing. Witnessing my dad’s disease progression and the degradation of his abilities is difficult.

Sometimes I joke that a silver lining of this situation is that we will get a break from his snide advice and critiques. However, this “joke” lands flat, as his increasing struggles and growing frustration with his challenges to communicate, to eat without choking, and to breathe on his own can be heartbreaking. Simultaneously, my partner Jonathan’s dad is working with a difficult prognosis, as his untreatable cancer growth continues to metastasize.

I can control what I can, and with our dads (and perhaps with aging parents, and chronic illnesses in general), that can feel like a losing battle. I grapple with the fact of how little control we actually have. It is a difficult practice of trying to accept what I cannot control, and feels like I am regularly compromising what I think is best, and settling for what feels like the worse of two evils.

At times, this can all feel downright depressing. Fortunately, I am blessed to have a loving mother who has one of the hardest jobs helping my dad. She does not complain, and the last time I brought this up, she acknowledged that other people still have it worse. She really is a positive loving force we are so blessed to have.

And while it has been exciting and interesting to schedule two exciting retreats in Italy for 2022, I do not do so lightly knowing that my mom has not been back there to see her brothers and family for years given her role as primary caretaker et al.

Everyone has their stuff, and through metta (or lovingkindness) meditation practice I get to remember that, especially in the face of uncomfortable situations, and difficult people. Metta meditation allows us to acknowledge the challenging parts of humanity and of ourselves, and to practice holding them with love and acceptance, by any measure. Another path to peace is non-attachment, and I am most grateful I have yoga practices in my life, as I cannot imagine trying to manage my attachments, frustrations, and anger, without them.

Everything comes and goes, from relationships and emotions, to motor skills, yoga poses, and injuries. Within that framework of impermanence, what can I be grateful for right now? How can I be a loving force right now?

That’s the deal…we all die, whether or not the end is in sight. Until that time comes, may we find, create and share blessings, justice, love, joy, and gratitude.

Things can suck and we can still be grateful and loving, and practice finding peace.

Wishing you much love,

Vito